The Excellent Art of Saying "Yes"

As we know from excellent developmental theorists, the toddler stage (1 to 3 years) is about learning to control one's own body. The pre-schooler stage (3 to 5 years) turns more outward, to a desire to control the environment and the people around you. This is where so many parents have to learn the lesson: Pick your battles.

Matthew and I decided early on that we did not want to spend Malcolm's childhood in control battles with him. Nor did we wish to raise a spoiled wee heathen without limits. So, we decided as parents what expectations of behavior were mandatory (safety, respect, courtesy), and the rest became negotiable.

But only to a certain extent. While proper nutrition is not a hill I'm willing to die on, I do think that chocolate milk, ice cream, french fries and cake all in one day is something that really only happens when he spends the weekend at Grandma's house. So, what is a mother to do when faced with her sweet preschooler's request . . . .

This is how the conversation could have gone:

Malcolm: "Mommy, can I have a cookie, please?" (Notice the excellent use of the mandatory virtue of courtesy!)

Mommy: "No, sweetie. You've already had pizza and chocolate milk, and I know you had cake at school today. That is too much junk food, and I don't want you to get a tummy ache."

Of course, all he would have heard was:

Mommy: "No, sweetie . . . ." then the pouting would take over, and the sulking reign supreme.

So, instead, I used my wily Mommy charms, and the conversation actually went like this:

Malcolm: "Mommy, can I have a cookie, please?"

Mommy: "Sure! That sounds yummy! I love cookies. We're going to Wegmans tomorrow after school, should we get one then?"

Malcolm: "Oh, yes! Thank you, Mommy."

Since he heard "yes" he kept on listening. In fact, I've found that if I respond to any request he makes with "Yes" I can then add on whatever I want, and he's generally agreeable. (Interestingly, the opposite is also true. If tell him "no" it doesn't matter what comes next, he's done listening.)

Here are some of my other favorite "Yes" answers that have come in handy lately:

Malcolm: Mommy, can I drive the car?

Mommy: Yes! When you are 16 years old, then it will be your turn.

Malcolm: When I grow up big and am 16? Okay!

Malcolm: Mom, I want to sit on your lap and play computer with you.

Mommy: Okay, I'm playing "Blog post." Want to help?

Malcolm: No, Mom, I want to play Sushi Cat.

Mommy: Okay. We'll play that next!

(speaking of which, I have to go . . . . I owe him a game of Sushi Cat)

Ayyam'i'Ha 2011

Happy Ayyam'i'Ha ("Days of Joy")! This is a special celebration in the Baha'i Faith, a time for service to others as well as fun parties and exchange of gifts. Ayyam'i'Ha stars Feb 26th, and goes until March 1st.

To celebrate this year, we made new decorations (garlands of yarn and beads), and hung our "pockets" -- banners that hang on the wall and hold small gifts for each other. I made these a few years back, my own design. There is a fifth pocket (for leap years) that folds under and snaps for hide-away on non-leap-years.

We also enjoyed a trip to an Amerk's hockey game (Malcolm's first time going to a game!). This was a gift from my brother, Darin, and his girlfriend, Pat (who we absolutely adore!!) Malcolm loved the hockey game, and has asked several times to go back. These requests seem to have absolutely nothing to do with hockey and sound like this: "Mom, remember when we went to the place with hot dogs and chicken fingers and french fries and sugar juice and ice cream? Let's do that again some time!" Or, "Dad, can we go to the place with the balloon animal clown lady again? That was really fun!" And "I miss the Really Big Moose! Can we go play at his house

again?"

We wrapped up Ayyam'i'Ha with a party at Malcolm's preschool. Sadly, Matthew had to work, but Malcolm's B-Ma (birthmom) was able to join in, and fun was had by all. The party included story time and a chat about "what makes us feel joyful," followed by a craft, a pinata and a snack time.

Parents As Reading Partners

This month is PARP month! For those of you without kids in school currently, this is a big national initiative to promote literacy. It stands for Parents As Reading Partners. Among the many fun activities, Malcolm's preschool has asked parents and kids to read together at least fifteen minutes each day.

To supplement our usual bedtime stories, we've added "couch time" to our day. Malcolm gets to pick out three books, and we cuddle on the couch together and read them. Today for couch time, Malcolm arrived with an armful of three books -- a Dr. Seuss classic, one of the dinosaur series, and . . . his dictionary.

"Mommy, read this one!" he commanded, handing me the 112 page volume, titled "A child's first dictionary."

Lest I get any bright ideas, he added, "And don't skip any pages!"

Sledding Adventures Part 2

Sledding Adventures

I went sledding for the first time!

Mommy, Daddy and Uncle Mike took me. That's Daddy with the red hat, and Uncle Mike has the zebra parka. That's me with the sled!

It was a little cold. "This much cold!"

Whee! Whoa!!! Whee!!!!!!

That's a really big hill!

I'm ready for my hot chocolate now!

Happy 4th Birthday!

Halloween Pictures

As our frequent readers may remember, we gave Malcolm a mohawk at the start of June for a fun summer one-time haircut. As things turned out, he loved his mohawk and asked us very sweetly not to cut it off. We're now in November, and every morning while I'm combing out the mohawk strip, "Mommy, please don't cut off my mohawk!!" Fresh out of the bath, oiled and combed, it's nearly an inch tall now!!

Ever heard the phrase "play to your strengths"? Well, if you're son thinks he's a rockstar . . . and it's October . . . what else are his parents to do?

Please note all the fabulous details . . . florescent red mohawk, tattoos, spiked metal bracelet, (ribbed jeans not visible in the picture), the Pez-candy rolled up in the sleeve (Matt's awesome idea) and the inflatable guitar (or as the little Rockstar calls it, his Air Guitar).

Halloween adventures included all sorts of fun. Such as the Al Sigel Center Walkabout at the Mall . . .

. . . including an impromptu guitar solo in the middle of the walkway . . .

We also enjoyed a Halloween Parade at his preschool . . .

. . . followed by a Halloween Party.

Sadly, Trick-or-Treating was called on account of rain, sleet, snow and hail (yes, all in one day! Thank you upstate NY!)

Happily, we continue to find all sorts of dress up fun.